My name is Samantha McMillan.
Without political stance I am here to raise my hand as a part of the community and share my personal experience of the war on terror.
I shared 6 years of my life with Jacob McMillan, KIA (killed in action) December 20th 2006 in Iraq. I am struggling with the idea that Jacob's life was lost without consequence, in an unjust war.
"If we remain silent, victory over us is assured " -John Pilger
Although each person’s experiences are different, my personal devastation from the Iraq and Afghanistan conflicts does not leave me alone. I am one of many, and the number of people personally affected by the death of a loved one in conflict will only rise as our involvement continues.
Who am I and how am I affected?
My love affair with Jacob started in Italy in 2000, I a student, he an airborne infantry E3, stationed at the US base in northern Italy, Vicenza. Jacob and I married in early 2002 in Jacob's home town of Lafayette, Louisiana - a small garden affair that was to be reproduced in my home country, Australia, once Jacob's commitment to the US forces ended.
As our relationship developed so too did Jacob's job in the military. Whilst he was stationed in Italy he was deployed to Bosnia and later Kosovo. These are pre-September 11 days. Shortly following these tragic events, Jacob's unit went to North Africa, where he was injured. He was re-stationed to upstate New York in March 2002.
Newly married and with just under a year left on Jacob’s contract we both looked forward to our lives being independent of the military; we planned to travel the world, live and love.
Our plans were destroyed shortly after arriving to Watertown NY. Jacob, a 'squared away' or injured solider, was on arrival to his new unit offered a 3 month spot in Ranger school. Jacob jumped at the chance to go to this highly regarded school.
When he finished, Jacob was informed that attendance at the school cost the government upwards of $25,000 per student. Jacob was now responsible to give the US military one whole year of service. From that point on Jacob was deployed to Afghanistan for 'Operation Enduring Freedom', and I stayed in our home, upstate New York. This was at the time when the Iraq invasion took place.
Life as a soldier’s wife is understood to be a hard one and I found myself isolated in both mind and body. The constant wait and 'what ifs' with a husband (or any loved one) at war, even working at one point 5 jobs so my own time and time in my head was as little as possible.
Fortunately Jacob returned from Afghanistan, physically fit. His return meant it was time for us to relocate to a new station in Anchorage, Alaska. We made the move in January, a 10-day drive in the middle of winter, it was truly amazing. Once at Jake's new duty station, re- deployment was immediate. It was Jacob's broken tailbone that held him home.
In Alaska, Jacob noticeably changed. The months and year that followed Jacob's return from deployment, I now understand were a result of PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). We were in a society that does not see, recognize or offer support to vets and their family. Young and naive we did the best we could with what we had at that time.
PTSD manifests trauma in many ways. I saw it take Jacob spiritually, mentally and physically and trap him in a war zone.
I felt Afghanistan and PTSD took the Jacob I knew and loved. I left an environment that was unsafe and I left Jacob. Our marriage dissolved in March 06. These are the unchangeable things of my past, I have experienced and learnt and continue to do so. I see PTSD and our lack of recognition and minimal support to deal with it as what ended our relationship.
Some months after this, Jacob was deployed to Iraq where he was killed in action.
I am speaking out against not just lives lost in war but on my experience of society’s lack of awareness of the living casualties of war. Back in Australia, every lost solider continues my awareness of these wars and its effect on thousand of people. I am only one of those affected but I strongly feel that a message needs to get out to our government on what is the human effect of our involvement in the war on terror.
It is in peace with love that I ask our community to get informed, and involved in what role our government and country plays.
This election, please make sure you put peace on the political agenda and ask our leaders for a clear exit strategy for Iraq. Ask them to explain their plans for peace.
Regards,
Sam McMillan
November 13th, 2007
A big hug